Say Less I Love You Episode 13

Chapter 138

TRIXA

I settle into the cold vinyl recliner at the chemo center, trying to maintain my composure as the nurse hooks up my IV. The familiar antiseptic smell makes my stomach turn.

"Are you sure there's no one we can call?" the nurse asks for the third time, her concerned eyes searching my face. "A friend? Family member?"

"I'm perfectly fine on my own," I say, keeping my voice steady despite the tremor in my hands. "Really."

She hesitates. "It's just... the first few sessions can be quite intense. Having support helps."

"I appreciate the concern, but I've got this handled." I flash my practiced socialite smile, the one that usually ends unwanted conversations.

The woman next to me, wearing a bright floral shirt, leans over. "First time?"

I nod, watching as the clear liquid starts dripping into my veins. Poison masquerading as medicine.

"Here's a tip - get yourself a cooling cap," she says, gesturing to her own head. "Keeps your hair from falling out. Well, most of it anyway."

My hand instinctively goes to my hair - my pride and joy, the golden waves Jacob loves to run his fingers through. "Really? That works?"

"Worked for me." She shrugs. "Insurance doesn't cover it, but..."

I almost laugh. Money is the least of my concerns. "Thank you. I'll look into it."

As the chemo drugs start flowing, I close my eyes and think of Jacob. He'd be here if he knew, holding my hand, telling stupid jokes to distract me. But I can't tell him. Not yet. Not when everything's finally falling into place.

My stomach lurches, and I grab the basin they provided. The nurse rushes over, but I wave her away. I can handle this. I have to handle this. Even as my body rebels against the treatment, I maintain my dignity. It's all I have left.

"Deep breaths," the woman next to me advises. "It gets easier."

I hope she's right. Because right now, keeping this secret from Jacob feels harder than the poison they're pumping into me.

The bed feels like heaven as I collapse onto it, still wearing my designer dress and heels. My body aches from the chemo, every muscle protesting. I can barely keep my eyes open.

"Just five minutes," I mumble into the pillow. "Then I'll change..."

The next thing I know, keys jingle in the front door. My eyes snap open, heart racing. Jacob. I force myself up, ignoring the wave of dizziness that hits me.

"Babe?" his voice calls out. "You home?"

"In here!" I call back, rushing to the mirror. My reflection shows pale skin and dark circles under my eyes. I quickly dab on concealer and pinch my cheeks for color.

Jacob appears in the doorway just as I'm fluffing my hair. "Hey, you look..." he pauses, frowning slightly.

"Tired?" I laugh, keeping my voice light. "I had the most exhausting day shopping with Julia. You know how she gets when there's a sale."

He comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. The warmth of his body makes me want to melt into him, to tell him everything. Instead, I turn in his embrace and kiss him.

"How was your day?" I ask, steering the conversation away from me.

"The usual hospital drama," he says, but his eyes are studying my face. "Are you sure you're okay? You feel warm."

"I'm fine," I say, perhaps too quickly. "Just need a shower and I'll be good as new. Have you eaten? I can whip something up."

"Don't worry about it. Why don't you rest while I order in?"

"No!" The word comes out sharper than I intended. I soften my tone. "I mean, let me take care of you. It's the least I can do."

I slip out of his arms, heading for the kitchen before he can protest. My legs feel like jelly, but I force them to carry me forward. I can do this. I have to do this.

I force my trembling hands to steady as I chop vegetables for the stir-fry. The knife feels impossibly heavy, but I maintain my grip. Years of etiquette lessons weren't for nothing – a Swan never shows weakness.

"Need any help?" Jacob calls from the living room.

"I've got it covered," I respond, injecting cheer into my voice. "Just relax, darling."

My stomach churns at the smell of the garlic and ginger hitting the hot pan. I focus on breathing through my mouth. I grab a little piece of ginger and place it under my tongue hoping for some relief.

"Something smells amazing," he says, wandering into the kitchen.

I lean against the counter, trying to make it look casual rather than necessary for staying upright. "Just a little something I threw together."

Jacob comes up behind me, peering over my shoulder at the sizzling pan. "When did you learn to cook like this?"

"A lady never reveals all her secrets," I tease, though my arms shake as I stir the vegetables. "Go sit down, I'll bring it out when it's ready."

"You're spoiling me," he says, kissing my cheek before retreating.

The simple act of cooking feels like running a marathon. My body screams for rest, but I keep moving. The vegetables need to be perfect, the sauce just right. If I focus on these small details, maybe Jacob won't notice how pale I am, how my hands tremble slightly as I plate the food.

"Dinner is served," I announce, carrying the plates to the dining room with careful precision. My arms feel like lead, but I maintain my perfect posture, my graceful movements. The facade must not crack.

Jacob smiles up at me as I set his plate down. "This looks incredible, Trix."

I return his smile, sinking into my chair with what I hope appears to be elegant ease rather than desperate relief. "Anything for you, darling."