Faker In Law

Chapter 1

Joseph

“Shit.”

Glancing at my watch on the way out the door, I realize that I’m going to be late. I want this theater more than anything right now, but who else do I have breathing down my neck?

Marcus Black. Annoying bastard. Just thinking about the man makes me irritated.

Just my luck, I’m running late to my meeting with the Jenkins couple when I know damn well that Marcus will be pulling any trick in the book to win that theater bid.

Why do I lose track of time so easily? I huff, plopping into the driver’s seat of my vehicle and turning on the car. After entering the address into the car’s GPS system, the touchscreen display gives me twelve minutes to make it.

“Twelve?” I scoff, backing out of my driveway. “Fuck that. I’ll make it in six.”

I admit that I’m not the most punctual person. For so long, I’ve become used to people waiting on me before beginning a meeting or event. The older I get, the more I realize that most people don’t like that. Apparently, it’s considered disrespectful if I leave them waiting for ten minutes or more.

Today should have been yet another day where I arrive ten or fifteen minutes late and still speak to the Jenkins couple without worry. Frederick and April. They’re an elderly duo that has been attached at the hip since they got married when they graduated college.

Unfortunately for me, I’m not the only one after that theater. I’d bet one of my vertebrae that Marcus will be there, buttering them up and charming them with things that they want to hear in order to get the prize.

I clench my jaw. I don’t care what I have to do. Marcus will not beat me at my own game.

My grip tightens on the steering wheel, an intense fear of missing out trickling into my body as each second passes. One minute gone and I’m still a few miles away, stuck behind a stoplight and a row of cars trying to enter the drive-thru of a hipster coffee shop.

“What the hell,” I whisper, watching in agony as the cars in front of me waste my precious time while they wait for their soy lattes or whatever the hell these people drink nowadays.

Two minutes pass. I clench my jaw.

“Fuck it.”

My wheels skid as I swerve out of my lane, hit the gas, and launch forward through the intersection. I notice that I egregiously cut off the black car behind me and the driver waves their hand in an animated way. I deserve a verbal lashing for that, but right now, I don’t care.

To my surprise, the GPS alerts me of a traffic jam that would add another five minutes to my commute if I keep on this road. No fucking way. If I’m forced to wait in another line of cars while I’m in such a time crunch, I might cause some crashes along the way.

Instead, I make a sharp turn into a residential neighborhood and decide to course through. Much to my delight, the roads are empty. Only parked cars line the street, giving me a direct path straight to the theater if I keep at it.

“Hell yeah,” I whisper, smiling wide. My clammy hands loosen the grip on the steering wheel. I’m sweating bullets at this point, but if I continue this way, I may be able to make it on time.

Maybe.

Relaxing into my seat, I make a mental note to never allow this to happen again. Too stressful. This is all Marcus’ fault, to be honest. If it wasn’t for his annoying ass, I’d be cruising with this deal.

…Well, it may not have been that easy. Truth be told, I’m not the type of man that the Jenkins couple want buying the theater. A blow to my ego, sure, but there’s nothing I can do about that. A family man? One who would give everything up for the people he loves?

C’mon. I’m single and have been for a very long time. I’m not interested in a relationship. When I told the Jenkins couple that when negotiations began, I watched as the smiles died from their faces and they gave each other wide-eyed looks of surprise.

At the time, I wasn’t too worried. I was the only one in the running for the theater, so it wasn’t too big of a deal. That was until Marcus came along. I scowl remembering how he had a whole song and dance routine planned on how he would make sure the theater is passed down to the son he hopes to have with some woman he’s seeing right now.

“Fuck him,” I whisper, glancing at my GPS. As the distance dwindles down, so does the time. I shaved off a minute or two by going this route, thank God. “He could have a kid on the way right now and I’d still beat out any bid he puts in for the theater.”

That goes for any business rival who wants to stake their claim on the theater. It’s not going to happen, not as long as I’m alive and breathing. Marcus isn’t the only one who wants the building, but he’s my main competitor. I’m on the lookout for any other vultures who are trying to steal my prize.

“Oops.”

I wince slightly, running through a stop sign. It’s not entirely my fault, though. How am I supposed to see the damn thing when it’s hidden behind a bulky oak tree?

No matter. No one died, no one’s in danger. I didn’t run over a child or dog at that intersection, so I’m in the clear. I doubt there’s anyone around who saw that.

The adrenaline rush it gives me is intoxicating, though. Thinking that this now seems like a good idea, I slow slightly at the next stop sign, just enough to make sure no one is coming. Then I barrel through without stopping. Just like that, I’ve saved myself some more time. I contemplate calling Frederick to let him know that I’ll be a minute or two behind.

Despite everything, I know the man likes me. How could he not? I’m probably like the son he never had!

“Oh, shit.”

One look in my rearview mirror, and I see a sight that I’m dreading. Tailing behind me, the red and blue lights of a police car gain on me. The police officer is a woman and she’s motioning for me to pull over.

“Fuck!” I slam my fist into the steering wheel. “What the fuck! Why did I do that? Why did I…”

Calm down, Joey. Breathe. Nothing’s going to happen. You’ve talked yourself out of tickets before, right? Why can’t this be the same?

Except this cop probably saw me running those stop signs as clear as day. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be following me right now. I’m the only car driving in this residential street, so it’s not like she’s trying to chase someone else.

“I’m screwed,” I whisper, shaking my head slightly as I slow to a stop. “I’m fucking screwed. And I’m late. So the deal might be screwed, too.”

A wave of pessimistic thoughts whirls around in my head as I try to make sense of what’s going on. It hardly feels real. Me? Getting pulled over by a cop? That hasn’t happened in years! The last time was when I was speeding down an empty highway back in my twenties, going well over one hundred miles per hour. I should have known he was going to speed-trap me like that.

In this case, I dug myself into this hole. All because I didn’t want to hurry up while eating my breakfast this morning.

I suppose things could be worse. Since it’s a woman that’s coming over to give me a ticket, I can work my charm on her in the hopes of slithering out of this scot-free. The same doesn’t apply to men. I’ve tried. It just doesn’t work.

Not only do I need to get out of this ticket, but I need to figure out something fast. I can’t waste too much time here. Frederick and April are probably being won over by Marcus right now while I’m stuck in my car like a loser.

She’s getting out of her car. What if I just… start driving away? I’ll be able to gain on her, maybe even lose her altogether once we get back on the main roads.

Joseph, are you fucking out of your mind? A ticket isn’t enough for you? Are you trying to earn yourself a felony charge for fleeing a police officer, too?

I tap my fingers against the steering wheel, holding back a loud sigh. My ideas aren’t the best when I’m in a stressful situation, but I’m desperate. Anyone in my shoes would be. I’ve got places to be, people to see.

At least the cop is a looker, I muse to myself. I stare at her in my mirror as she scribbles something down to herself. Probably my license plate or something. She’s an attractive and trim Black woman with smooth skin and a figure the uniform doesn’t hide. Black hair sneaks out from underneath the police cap she wears. As she takes off her aviator shades, I can see a pair of pretty brown eyes staring me down.

It can’t be that hard to charm a woman like this, right? Young and beautiful. I’ve dealt with that before. I run the risk of earning myself more tickets if this whole thing blows up in my face, but it’s worth it. I’ve never been one to turn down a challenge.

The cop approaches my car, motioning for me to roll down my window.

Her name is K. Beards, according to the nametag on her right pocket. Great. Let’s hope she’s nice, but with the way she’s looking at me right now, I have my doubts.